Based on a 5,000 word excerpt from the beginning of the book:
Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Reviews
ABNA Expert Reviewer #1
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?Here is a classic fantasy in the sword-and-sorcery vein, full of lords of different degrees of power and mages who control elements as huge as the weather. So far there's no mention of magical beasts, but if all it contains is this battle of wits between mages, that's enough if it's done right, and this excerpt shows all the signs of being well-sculpted into a smart, thoughtful right-against-wrong. The character development is good; a young, 17-year-old, untrained girl with monumental powers, who finds a mentor in an unlikely place; the mentor's estranged partner, likewise strong in the mystic arts; a prince who shows all the signs of a creature caged by a despot from whom he wants to be freed; and a supreme lord who wants to change sides. There is lots of potential here, and strong writing; good construction; and tons of imagination.
What aspect needs the most work?In this story I'd like to see some more explanation of geography. I'm hoping there will be a map included, to put the reader in the right frame of mind. What was a very strong point of The Lord Of The Rings is still a strong point; everyone likes to be able to put themselves in the correct physical location in their imagination. I would also like to see an enlargement on Roark's and Lyrria's past association, but that is possibly remedied further on in the book. Vinesta's life before this story would be worth knowing as well.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?I do believe this particular fantasy will be a humdinger of a story. It is already everything I ask for in a fantasy; it opens with a sea voyage (always high on my list) and includes more than a few mentions of mages and other people of mystical power. The young princess, alone and apprehensive about her plunge into total strangeness, befriended by an older - and practical - woman of power who wants to train her, is a story right up my alley. There is a feel to this of the old "Thieves' World" series, without being quite as dark; there is the promise of wizardly battles, old feuds, and redemption. I look forward to the rest of the story.
ABNA Expert Reviewer #2
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?I really liked this excerpt. The author does a great job of revealing the plot through the characters. I am impressed by the thoughtfully developed world and mythology. A complex story with many characters did not feel confusing!
What aspect needs the most work?I wonder if Vinesta's character could be made more likable and 3-dimensional. Through most of this excerpt she is just kind of a pathetic victim. How can we see her as a real human being? A complex thought, memory, or internal dialogue about what awaits her would really help. I think a lot of women are really turned off/frustrated by how often female characters are helpless victims in fantasy novels. More focus upon her mage powers, a rich and complex part of her, would help. And I wonder if she just has to hide and be in fear-- could she not learn how to use her powers strategically to protect herself and serve her father as more than a victim/sacrificial lamb, but as a person with the power to impact her destiny? A woman who can control the weather is not helpless and needs to be courageous.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?Strong beginning, but I would feel sooooooo much more engaged by a courageous Vinesta's vs a shrinking violet. I think one chane would have readers cheering for her and would make this more of a page turner.
From Amazon Customers Who Read the Excerpt
5.0 out of 5 stars Promising Beginning, March 20, 2013 By Monica Caples (Warsaw, IN United States) ~Amazon Verified Purchase This review is from: A Turning of Fate - ABNA 2013 Entry (Kindle Edition)This excerpt sets up a promising beginning with intriguing characters. The description says that the novel is over 143,000 words, so with this little excerpt (less than 5,000 words), we are only getting a tiny taste of the novel. 5,000 words is not even 4%! Most of the major characters and their motivations are revealed, but what will ultimately be the plot of the novel is only hinted at. It makes me very curious to know what is in the other 96%! Still, with that many words, it promises to be a pretty epic fantasy.
5.0 out of 5 stars Sacrifice, Honor, and a Love Story--Powerful Opening, March 14, 2013 By Michelle M. Weidenbenner (Warsaw, IN) ~Amazon Verified Purchase This review is from: A Turning of Fate - ABNA 2013 Entry (Kindle Edition)Story trumps. Always. And this excerpt has a great, compelling story. The author showed us a glimpse of each character's goals, stakes, and secret gifts or powers. I want to read more because I care about the characters. I can't imagine how they're going to win the battle, but I want to be there when they do. The author made me care for the heroine, Princess Vinesta, a girl who sacrifices her own life for her father and his people. The author also set the stage with descriptions that allowed me to visual each character, making the darklords loathsome. This is a love story and an adventure, and I can't wait to read the entire book.
5.0 out of 5 stars A turning, March 13, 2013 By Ron Fisher This review is from: A Turning of Fate - ABNA 2013 Entry (Kindle Edition)This is awesome. I want more, much more. In these few words these characters have come to life for me sand I want the princess protected. I hope for more to come and will purchase and read all kimber grey has to offer. She is on her way to becoming one of my favorite authors. I met kimber about a year ago in Cincinnati at a convention. She impressed me then with her passion for writing and I'm happy now that I have found her in this form. Keep up the good work kimber and I will always be hungry for more.
5.0 out of 5 stars Hooked deep, March 13, 2013 By forvalaka (SOLc) ~Amazon Verified Purchase This review is from: A Turning of Fate - ABNA 2013 Entry (Kindle Edition)In the first 14 pages we get engaging heroes who are gifted but untested. Set against them are some powerful villains who are secure in their position. There are compelling mysteries on both sides. The setting shows hints of a rich and fully realized world with it's own politics, cultures, and history. The stakes are high and there is no going back. How could I not want more of this?
5.0 out of 5 stars More, please?, March 13, 2013 By Writer Bird ~Amazon Verified Purchase This review is from: A Turning of Fate - ABNA 2013 Entry (Kindle Edition)As I read this excerpt, I felt as though the words were weaving a subtle spell around me, drawing me deeper into the story, somehow entwining my fate with Vinesta's. I love that even though she's hesitant and scared, she's committed to fulfilling her duty and that she's not shirking from it, though that would be the easier choice. The world is fresh and unique and I really wish I'd been able to read more. It's a strong beginning and I could feel it thickening around me, which is promising for the rest of the novel.
